A Guide to Building Intrinsic Motivation in kids.
Table of Contents
Building intrinsic motivation is likely what you would love to accomplish but have likely never had the information to know how to do so. Parenting books often focus on extrinsic motivation, which teaches kids to complete tasks for an external reward or because someone else wants them to do it.
Intrinsic motivation is the best kind of motivation for your kids to learn. Intrinsic motivation is getting them to complete tasks because they want to, not because they have to.
How often do you find yourself trying to bribe your kids into do something they don’t want to do? “If you eat all your dinner, you can have dessert.” “If you clean your room, we can go to the park.”
Or maybe you use a chore chart, and they have the potential to earn a piece of candy, money, or a toy whenever they complete their chores. Yet despite the rewards they can receive, it’s still a constant battle to get them to do their chores.
Building intrinsic motivation versus extrinsic motivation.
Bribing and using rewards is using extrinsic motivation. Extrinsic motivation is using external rewards or punishments to get your kids to do what you want them to do. You are motivating your kids to complete a task not because they want to do it, but because they attain a reward or avoid a punishment by doing so.
Intrinsic motivation is when your kids complete a task because they enjoy it, find it interesting, or find it satisfying. Intrinsic motivation is free from artificial external rewards. I use the word artificial because sometimes completing tasks leads to natural rewards, not artificial rewards like candy, a toy, or doing a fun activity. Feeling happy, accomplished, and proud of yourself are the intrinsic rewards your kids feel when you use intrinsic motivation.
What does extrinsic motivation teach your kids?
Extrinsic motivation teaches that they will receive a reward anytime they complete a task. This plays into job dissatisfaction when they are older, because most jobs do not provide a reward for every single task completed.
It also teaches them to do tasks for the sake of other people and not for themselves. They learn that they must do things for their parents to be happy with them. This can cause their self-worth to become dependent on doing things for other people, which is detrimental to their development and sense of self.
Why building intrinsic motivation is important.
Building intrinsic motivation is important for several reasons. As I mentioned above, extrinsic motivation can have a huge negative impact on your kids self-worth. It can make them dependent on positive feelings of self only when completing tasks for their parents and seeing the happiness in their parents when the task is complete. This creates a belief of “I feel good about myself when I do things for other people.” Don’t get me wrong, doing things for others is good, but not when your self-worth is dependent on it.
Extrinsic motivation also creates the belief of “I deserve a reward whenever I complete a task.” This can create problems when your kids get older and expect them to do the chores without rewards. You may experience push back, arguments, and resistance to do the chores. That is because your kids were only doing it for the external rewards, not because they found satisfaction or enjoyment in doing them.
Intrinsic motivation focuses on personal growth, a sense of duty, and a recognition of purpose. It is self-driven motivation without dependency on external factors. You teach your kids to do things because they want to and find satisfaction within it. This fosters independence, self-driven motivation, willingness, and increases their overall happiness and enjoyment. Side note: Intrinsic motivation is a must if your kid has ADHD. Kids with ADHD do not compute rewards with completing a task. So, building intrinsic motivation is the best option.
Steps for building intrinsic motivation.
Foster curiosity. Help explore the task at hand with your kids, asking questions that create a sense of curiosity and exploration. “How would you load the dishwasher to make the dishes fit better?” “Do you think there is a better way to mow the yard that would get it done faster?”
Create a challenge. Overcoming a challenge foster intrinsic motivation because you feel accomplished when you conquer a challenge. “I can’t figure out a way to organize your toys. You do think you could help me figure out a solution?”
Show your appreciation. We all love to be recognized for our hard work. You can foster intrinsic motivation with saying “look what you accomplished! You worked very hard on that!” Try to avoid saying “good job” as that can actually harm intrinsic motivation.
Model intrinsic motivation. One of the most effective ways of teaching your kids is through modeling. Kids learn to do what they see their parents doing. When your kids ask you, “why are you doing the dishes?” You can respond with, “I am doing the dishes because it makes me feel good to have a clean kitchen.”